Dealing with rejection

I recently had my first ever interview for an internship.

You can probably guess from the title that I didn’t get the job!

I had no problem with not hearing back or being rejected when all I’d done was fill a form in online. But when I’d gone in (traveled all the way to Edinburgh for a day!), met the people, and actually had a really nice day, somehow it all hit a bit harder.

I’m not saying the interview went incredibly and I don’t understand why they couldn’t give me a place, but nor am I saying that I didn’t do my best and think it might be enough.

When I got that fatal email I was much more upset than I expected to be. I’ve failed things before (my driving test, twice…) and applications been rejected, but I’d really enjoyed my day there and had begun to picture myself working there day to day. I think that’s where the sadness came from, and I’ve learnt a lot from it.

I think before the interview I could have tried imagining I already had the internship, but after the interview I should have stopped myself. I never consciously did it, but I definitely still did. I need to remember that the day was really fun – I had a nice time exploring Edinburgh, I enjoyed working through the problems they set and discussing them, and I had a whole day off working, something which I haven’t had for a while before or since.

I’m grateful for the experience of the interview and I hope more come my way soon. And that’s the most important thing at this stage.

Results day

A level results day was, for me, supremely awkward. If I do say so myself, I did pretty well. This means (in my school anyway) that to ask first how people did is just so they ask it back so that you can brag.

It’s hard, because we’re told again and again to celebrate our achievements, and of course I’m going to do that, but you can’t be too excited in the face of someone who’s not done as well as they hoped. And until you know how they did you have to hold all your excitement in just in case.

So you spend the morning wandering around trying to find your friends and asking how they did in the most subdued tones and then either jumping up and down with joy that you both did so well, or modestly saying that your (excellent) grades were nothing. Perhaps best to leave quickly and quietly.

Good luck to people waiting for GCSE results on Thursday!! (My sister seems a bit worried…)

Summer work

I’ve been really lucky this summer – I was desperate for a job to keep me occupied for a few weeks and also for a bit of money for university. I tralled through every shop, restaurant and hairdressers in my small village, being fairly limited as to how far I travelled (I can borrow my mum’s car but not on that kind of time frame). Unfortunately, I live in the sort of place where summer is pretty much the same as every other time, so noone was hiring.

Just as I was giving up hope, my dad managed to find me a job working for him. This is definitely the easy way to have your first job! I didn’t have to interview (he said the last 18 years of my life were enough to go on!), I could ask my many questions when I thought of them (what to wear, my hours, wage etc) and to someone I’m familiar with, and while I’m working I can go to ask questions as frequently as I want without embarrassment and in the vagueness only a family member would understand. Plus this job is related to the degree I want to study so will be valuable on future CVs.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so tired though! Which is strange because I’m getting more sleep than I would on a school night. I suppose it must be the constant flow of new facts and proceedures and how different it all is. Hopefully in a few weeks that’ll get easier!

Working too hard?

For the last few days, nothing really seems to have been going right for me.

After a long hard think (they really do exist!) I think I’ve worked out why. I think that I try to make everything I do into a chore.

Obviously revision and all that comes with it has to be done and is therefore fairly close to a chore. I also play the trumpet and am doing my Grade 8 exam on Friday. What used to be a cheery revision break has turned into something just as stressful, or perhaps even more so. I’ve been giving myself breaks, but I seem to think it’s absolutely necessary that I achieve something else in them. I’ve been making my boyfriend a scrapbook for our anniversary (which is today, happy anniversary to us!) and it started off very fun indeed but by the end became a bit of a slog to finish in time.

I have a reading list (and feel the need to make myself read a designated number of pages a day, otherwise I’m some sort of a failure), a film list, a TV shows list and even a music list and for some reason won’t let myself read/watch/listen to what I’m in the mood for and instead have to follow the plan to the letter.

I’m been informed by my boyfriend that I even make skyping him into a chore, not just for myself but for him too.

Why do I do this? Why can’t I just let myself ‘go with the flow’?

I’ve always been that sort of person I think, always pushing myself to my limits. I think now I’ve realised that sometimes enough is enough.